On Rejection

I've been watching a young writer friend go through the tumultuous, difficult, heart-rending process of querying her first YA novel. She's been rejected half a dozen times now, but not form letters. The rejections have been constructive, and have changed her writing. She's taken each letter, carefully listened to the suggestions, gone back into her manuscript and tightened, revised, fixed. Several agents has offered to reread the manuscript if revised, or to submit new material.

I've been watching her work, and trying to help, to guide, though I know she is truly on this journey alone. It is her baby. It is her feelings hurt. It is her spirit that must survive the onslaught of people saying you're good, chick, you're really good. You're just not quite good enough for me, right now.

Right now.

Two very little words, that equal hope.

Right now means you've got talent, sister. You can turn a phrase and make it weep. But you need to keep tightening, keep revising, keep making that book as good as you can make it, and then send it out again. Which, in all facets, is rather uplifting. Revision is the writer's greatest asset, our finest tool. If you can't revise, you can't write.

Listen, getting rejected sucks donkey butts. There's no two ways around it. But it is also a part of the process. New writers often think that once you make it through the "doors" into the publishing world, by landing an agent and a deal, you never face rejection again.

Oh, darlings. If only that were true.

Not a lot of published authors talk about it, but we get rejected all the time. A proposal doesn't work. A reviewer slams us. Our agent doesn't like the new direction we're headed. Is it as sting-ey as those first few rejections when you start out? Actually, yeah, it is. It may almost be harder because you've done it before, once, or twice, or twenty times, and suddenly, all stop, now, this doesn't work for us can be very demoralizing.

I did a piece on rejection early on in my career. Back when I thought that once I was through the doors, the rejections would magically disappear. I share it with all of you again, simple because it bears repeating. Rejection happens. It's how we deal with it that defines us. I've pulled this from that piece. Hope it helps.

Rejection Do's and Don'ts

Do – Give yourself permission to be upset when a rejection comes. If a piece of chocolate or an ice cream cone will make you feel better, then have it. Enjoy a drink with friends. Be social.

Don’t – Comfort yourself with destructive behaviors, like going out on the town and ending up blowing in a tube. It’s just a rejection letter, not the end of the world.

Do – Go for a walk.

Don’t – Burn your manuscript, shred your notes, and delete all the files on your computer. Seriously.

Do – Take a day off from writing and read a book.

Don’t – Call all your friends and tell them you’ve decided not to be a writer anymore.

Do – Step away from the computer for a few hours, allow yourself a break from the cycle.

Don’t – Call the originator of your rejection to ask why they didn’t like your project. Really, that’s just not a good idea.

Do – Reorganize your office.

Don’t – Quit writing.

Do – Something productive that will allow you to feel better. My personal favorite? Staples therapy. New pens always put me in a better mood.

Don’t – Give up. We’ve all been there. Commiserate for a day, then get back to it.There will be more rejections in your life. But if you persevere, there will be bigger triumphs in the end.

On Dail Dinwiddie, Missing for (now) Twenty-SEVEN Years

I cannot believe it's been twenty-seven years since my friend Dail went missing. In light of some fresh press coverage, I wanted to share this with you. Please spread the word. Help us find Dail. 

On September 24, 1992, Dail Boxley Dinwiddie disappeared from Columbia, South Carolina.

It happens everyday. You hear it on the news, read it in the papers, see alerts on the highway signs. And with the advent of the 24-hour news cycle, Amber Alerts and a more responsive police force, these commonplace disappearances sometimes end with good news. I wish that could happen for Dail.

The facts of this case are cut and dried. On the evening of September 23, 1992, Dail attended a U2 concert. When the concert ended, she headed down to the Five Points area of Columbia with a few friends. They finished the evening at a bar called Jungle Jim’s. She got separated from her friends, and spoke to the bouncer at approximately 1:15 a.m. – 1:30 a.m. He remembers her leaving the bar as if she was going to walk home. She went north on Harden Street. And then she simply disappeared.

She was wearing an olive green long sleeved shirt, a blue LL Bean jacket tied around her waist, faded blue jeans and brown boots. She’s barely five feet tall and less than 100 pounds, has light brown hair and brown eyes. Her ears are pierced, and she has a crippled finger on each hand.

On every missing poster, under circumstances of disappearance, the words UNKNOWN and ENDANGERED MISSING appear. The posters, which were plastered everywhere we could get them, all over the country, read:

KIDNAPPED. $50,000 REWARD for INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST AND CONVICTION OF PERSON OR PERSONS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KIDNAPPING OF DAIL DINWIDDIE.

Despite a $50,000 reward, no credible links have been made to Dail's disappearance.

What happened to Dail? She wasn’t the type of girl to just run off. She lived at home, was taking art classes with an eye on graduate school (she majored in Art History at Randolph-Macon Woman’s College.) Her parents and close friends immediately knew something was dreadfully wrong; she just wouldn’t have not come home, not called, if she could.

Dail and I went to college together. I don’t claim to be one of her closest friends. Though RMWC is a small school, she and I didn’t cross paths until senior year. The Dail I remember was a bright, fun woman whose smile could light up a room. She had an infectious laugh. She was smart as a whip.

I remember getting that phone call – Did you hear? Dail’s gone missing. I remember how my heart sank. How I felt like there was nothing I could do. How my fervent prayers went unanswered, and slowly, over the years, Dail’s face faded from the news cycle.

I have a little bit of Dail’s case in each of my books, something of a tribute to her. She has become a number, which saddens me. She’s in the Nation’s Missing Children Organization and Center for Missing Adults (MPCCN Case File 455F90) She is part of the Doe Network (Case File 635DFSC), and The Kristen Foundation (Investigative Case Number 92-31749). She is listed in news stories, columns, even appears in Wikipedia under the heading of Missing White Girl Syndrome.

None of that is important. Finding Dail is all that matters. If you know anything, or think you know someone who might, please call the Columbia Police Department at 803-545-3525, or the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division (SLED) at 803-737-9000.

The case is open, and they’ll listen to anything you have to say.

6/10/06 UPDATE -- THE STATE, Columbia's newspaper, has a story today. New DNA found in Dail's case...

5/16/12 UPDATE -- WIS TV Did a story on Dail's disappearance. With any luck, in this new social media age, someone will come forward with actionable evidence. 

2/17/19 True Crime Files

4/1/19 UPDATE — After the Samantha Josephson murder, Dail’s story is back in the news. Fingers crossed.

This article first appeared on Murderati.com June 6, 2006

On The Dangers of Writing Fast... Faster... FASTER!!!!!!

Many of you saw the story in the New York Times this weekend about how the ereader phenomenon of consumers wanting their books NOW is driving established authors to write faster. It was an interesting piece, but one that I think struck a note of fear in all of our hearts. The story posits that authors who used to write one book a year are now being pushed to do more: two, even three novels, with shorts stories and novellas thrown in to bridge the gap between books, because ebook original authors are producing at an alarming pace, and traditionally published authors must do all they can to keep up.

I don't necessarily want to get into a discussion about the Us vs. Them mentality that is starting to emerge between traditionally published and self-published authors. A few vociferous people are leading this charge, and it won't take you many keystrokes to find them and their opinions. Nor do I want to delve into the fact that quantity does not necessarily equal quality.

No, I'd rather look at this phenomenon emerging of fast writing, and this sudden conversation cropping up in the recesses about how fast you really can write a book.

How fast is fast enough?

Different books take different efforts. Some are hugely labor intensive. Some are research heavy. Some tap into terribly difficult emotions, and are just plain difficult to write. Some write themselves. Each book is an entity unto itself.

Each writer is an entity unto him or herself, as well. Some of us can write a book in three months. Some claim to be able to write one in two weeks. For some, five years, ten years, are the norm. For most, one book a year is a steady, reasonable pace. It allows for research, writing, editing, proper time for reviews and marketing and tours. If you're familiar with everything that happens in the course of writing a book, you'd know that it is hardly languorous. Yet suddenly, people are claiming one book a year is too slow.

I personally write two books a year. Not because that's what the market is demanding of me, but because it naturally takes me on average six months to write a book. But I don't have children, and writing is my job. I've been a full-time writer from the beginning of my career, and have been blessed with the right mix of people and timing and mastering my own learning curve to figure out an appropriate, comfortable pace for ME.

But there are many ways up the mountain.

Listen, literature is not one size fits all. Every writer I know, regardless of how quickly they produce books, are working hard, every day. Grinding it out. I have a friend whose output is maybe 100 words a day - 100 proud, keepable words a day. I have another who feels short if she doesn't hit 5,000. I fall in between - averaging 1,000 minimum, and when I'm really in the groove, easily in the 3-4,000 range. I write fast, yes, in comparison to some, but not in comparison to others.

The premise of the article hinted that readers may start abandoning their favorites who put out one book a year in favor of lesser known, new-to-them authors who are cranking out a book every two to three months. This is a theme in the new Us vs. Them mentality, and it's one that's going to get all of us in trouble.

Thriller author Steve Berry is quoted at the end of the NYT article with what I felt was the most salient thought in the whole piece. He said, "You don’t ever want to get into a situation where your worth is being judged by the amount of your productivity.”

I couldn't agree more with that statement. Especially for the writers who do take a full year (or more) to write a book. We've got a lot of pressure on ourselves as it is, with the advent (necessary evil?) of increased self-promotion - social networking, marketing and PR - in addition to writing. To start getting into the mindset that oh, hey, I'm not a good enough writer because I can't crank out five books a year is dangerous.

It will stifle creativity. It will drive the muse off a cliff. It will cause divorces and suicides and make writers quit entirely. You think I'm kidding? I'm not. We are artists, for better or for worse. And while not all of us are long-suffering, the artistic mentality is, at its heart, a delicate creature that must be fed and nurtured if it will continue to produce. Think of a farm, with acres planted, rows and rows and rows of corn. If the corn isn't watered and fertilized and cared for, it dries up and rots. Words, and Muses, and Writers, are the exact same.

I often gets fan mail that ends with the words "Write Faster." It's actually kind of a joke in my house - hubby tells me that all the time. Because ultimately, the more we write, the more we get paid, and eating and paying the mortgage is a Good Thing. We all want to make money at this, and the simple fact is, more product equals more money.

But we have to take care of our gift, as well. The Muse doesn't delight in being shackled to a desk and forced to spill words onto the page all day every day. Yes, we want more readers. I want more readers. But if I start mentally outsourcing my Muse to a factory in China, chances are, there's going to be some problems. Strikes. Lawsuits. Closures.

Writing fast is becoming expected. And that could lead to some serious burnout, and the loss of some great writers.

One of my favorite quotes is from Lao Tzu: "When you are content not to compare or compete, everyone will respect you."

I think that's doubly true for writing. Work hard. Meet your deadlines. Write smart. That in and of itself will make you fast. But don't try to compare yourself to other writers and their output, and don't cave to the pressure of writing fast if that's not your nature. That way lies madness.

On Keeping Your Writing Habits

I attended a fantastic event over the weekend, the Heart of Dixie's annual luncheon. Heart of Dixie is the RWA chapter for the Huntsville, Alabama area. It was a very fun day, full of lots of amazing authors and readers. And I am thrilled to announce that I've been asked to come back next year and be their keynote speaker. It's my first romance oriented keynote, and I'm already planning out what I may want to cover.

I got to meet the incredibly prolific Lora Leigh. Prolific, as in she used to write 12-14 books a year, and now has backed off to between 6-8. That's a lot of books. Makes me feel positively anemic by comparison.

My table at the luncheon was filled with both readers and aspiring writers, so the conversation flitted from topic to topic, but eventual landed on my writing habits. I had asked Lora Leigh if she is able to work on multiple books at once or if she's a one and at time girl, and she answered she was one at a time. I'm like that too. I find it difficult to juggle too many projects at once.

I shared my process with my table, how I feel I must write 1000 words a day. I really should have said in order to meet my own writing goals, I must average 1000 words a day. Because that's much closer to the truth. To say I write a 1000 words a day is disingenuous. Life gets in the way. Edits come in and need handling. You get sick, pets die, family members need your attention. You get up in the morning and just plain don't feel like working, and instead pour a cup of tea and grab a nice juicy historical romance and lose yourself in that world. 

I want to write every day. I really do. But the truth of the matter is, I don't.

In all honestly, I haven't been writing. For a while now.

It's not that I haven't been WORKING, quite the opposite. I loved this great piece on what life is like as a published author. It's very true, and exactly what's been happeneing here at Chez Ellison: The tour to handle, all the PR and interviews and blogs, revisions on Edge of Black, touchups to another project, the website to redo, a short story to plot, my previous shorts to put on sale, bios to update, books to read, research to be done, ideas to ponder, closets to straighten, Rita dresses to shop for, and a few other rather important things that shall not be named as of yet going on. I'm utterly exhausted come 6pm, and ready to turn off the computer and veg out in front of the TV.

But as far as creating? As in new ideas, new words on the page creating? 

Nope.

The longer I go like this, the more nervous I get. It happens about twice a year - usually right around release time. I know myself well enough to know that the habit of writing is almost more important than the writing itself. And when I finally sit back down to the page, it's going to be a rough few days. But the words will come, the daily counts will start adding back up, and by mid-July, I'll have a chunk of work behind me. 

But it's these in-between moments, when I've just finished a book and am about to start another, that I start getting hard on myself. Nora Roberts takes a day off between books. So does Allison Brennan. And if I want to emulate the people I greatly respect, I need to start cutting back on the in-between books downtime. I've taken almost a month this time, and while it's been lovely, I'm getting really antsy. I think I've finally decided that it's time to offload some of my writerly duties to someone else. And we all know how great I am at giving up control. 

So wish me luck this week as I attempt to let go. And get my writing habit back on track.

The 5-2 Crime Poetry Weekly Celebrates National Poetry Month

Happy Friday the 13th!

My friend Gerald So runs an amazing poetry site that features original and unique works by many artists - with the lovely added touch of an audio recording of the week's poem. I highly recommend the site. Gerald has asked a few of us to pick our favorite poem from the 5-2, and share it with you.

Since I am so drawn to works about stalkers, this evocative poem by Nyla Alisia completely caught my eye. Look at how the words mingle love and lust. Look at the masterful presentation of the question: Is this wrong? Or is it right? Love allows for all sorts of peccadilloes. If this is a lover, these unknown caresses may be welcome.

But... if this is a stranger, consider the violation, the fear, the very hair-raising quality of these innocuous words, words often used in a very specific context: closer, touching, kiss. It shoots ice water into your veins, doesn't it? It is masterful use of confusion. You cringe, you want more. You fear for the subject's life, you wonder if she allows this behavior.

Good poetry creates questions, as well as guidance. It pulls your emotions every which way. With so many things to consider here, I'll leave you with a simple declarative statement. I love it!

ENTER THE SANDMAN: 31S LOVE AFFAIR

Dark glasses at night,
disguise the unblinking white,
hide well my lover's stare,
that follows you, everywhere.
Your lips move beyond my hearing,
but not for long,
I know it's me you're simply daring,
to just come ...closer,
like when I bend over,
while watching you sleeping.
Some call it peeping,
but what do they know of this?
Over and over,
breath sucked in from an almost kiss,
held inside me
as I stand in the shadows
touching
like this,
and this,
and this.
All night,
till early hours turn late,
the second hand races around the clock
as I wait,
watching till just moments before;
silver handled scissors snip
another lock of your hair,
another night's souvenir.
Then, out the window,
as your alarm clock rings,
I disappear
with only seconds to spare.

NYLA ALISIA is an award-winning poet, performance poetry artist and talk-radio personality. Her poem The Secret Of Me is nominated for the 2011 Pushcart Prize. Nyla is the founder and host of three international poetry radio programs, The SpeakEasy Cafe open-mic poetry radio show, Re-verse and The Inkwell. She teaches Writer's-Block Is Just An Urban Legend and Stop Pissing Off Your Muse, workshops for writers.

______

The 5-2 Crime Poetry Weekly is edited by Gerald So. A member of the Academy of American Poets, his poems have appeared in Nerve Cowboy, Barbaric Yawp, Defenestration, Cherry Bleeds, Yellow Mama, Gutter Eloquence Magazine and other provocatively-named venues. He has served as Short Mystery Fiction Society president (2008-'10) and Thrilling Detective fiction editor (2001-'09). After learning how to preserve The Lineup's poetry in ebook form, he published an ebook of his own poetry, We Might Have.