8.9.11

A better day.

I don't know about you, but sometimes, I get so much work on my plate that I simply shut down. I find myself surfing the net instead of working - in other words - yesterday.

But today was much more focused. I edited the 10,000 from last Thursday, and was pleased to find that I didn't have to cut any of it. Just a few tweaks here and there, some thought continuations, tying one scene to the next, and the like. At the end of the writing day, I had 2,000 new words as well. I almost have 100 pages now, and though I haven't a clue where it's going, I'm having fun with it. This is my 90 day challenge book - the one I decided to write for fun. I know we're not supposed to do that, but I was waiting for edits on my May 2012 book, and hadn't decided what I wanted to write as the December 2012 book. But I didn't want to lose momentum. Losing momentum can kill you creatively.

So I set myself a 90 day challenge. 1,000 words a day for 90 days. I got really far behind, but I'm caught up now. According to the schedule, I should have 30K by next Monday, and I'm on track to beat that. Regardless, part of my agreement with myself is I have to all-stop on October 15 whether it's finished or not, and move on to my December '12 title.

Why in the world am I sandwiching in a book, you may ask?

Several reasons. Momentum being one of the biggest. We're writers, right? Which means we're supposed to be writing. I started looking at my creative output and decided I could do better.

I usually turn books in in September and February. This year, my schedule has changed a bit. That's the result of the move to trade paperback - those books release every 9 months instead of every 6. As such, I turned the May '12 book in June 15, but the schedule changed (the book moved from March to May), so I didn't get the edits until last week. I had some time to play. And my brain is still on that original schedule, so technically, I found three months.

That is a massive exaggeration. I usually get very little writing done in August and September. This is the time of year when I do a lot of personal travel. It is also the time of year that promotion gears up for the fall book. As we speak, next week, I'll be launching into the prep work that I need to do to get ready. Newsletters, blog entries, contests, website changes, bookplates - all that stuff. All time consuming, and creativity consuming. Then it's the launch, and tour. Though I've cut back drastically this year, I'll still be doing four signings and three festivals. That takes away from creative time. In my normal yearly schedule, I don't get started on the next book until the middle of October anyway. But all that time is generally lost. 

This year, I wanted to do something different. Instead of spinning my wheels, feeling like I should be writing, but instead fiddling with words, I decided to take advantage of this time and get a book done. Yes, it will be a draft, and most likely an unfinished one, to boot. But that's okay. It's a story that's been niggling at me, and I finally have a good sense of where it's going, so I might as well write it.

I'm also working on the edits for the May '12 book right now. Actually, that starts Thursday. For once, the changes are relatively minimal. The book was the tightest I've written, and my editor thankfully agreed, so outside of typical revising, it won't be a huge mess to reconstruct.

Top that off with outside work: I'm editing a great book for a friend, have two that need to be read for blurbs, and am dealing with the usual day to day work that must be done.

Yesterday, I got tired. Everything began to weigh on me, and I froze.  My brain wasn't going to work. It happens. But today, I feel better. Energized. And hopefully, tomorrow will be more of the same.

And yes, I did eat sunflower seeds. But I typed one-handed, just to ward off another lost day. I'm not sure where the sunflower seed addiction has come from, but at least it's a healthy one, right?

8.8.11

It has been one of those days. I set my alarm last night with the purest of intentions--get up, make tea, settle in for a beautifully clear two-hour block of writing before an appointment and some errands. Then return, settle in and write the afternoon away.

Here's what happened instead:

8:00 Alarm sounds - snooze button hit

8:10 Alarm sounds - snooze button hit

8:30 Drag ass out of bed

8:40 Cat meowing plaintively for a brushing

8:50 Cat brushed, email dealt with, Diet Coke cracked (yes, it seems I am back on the caffeine. THIS MUST END) Settled in with laptop for writing. Can still get a solid hour of writing in

9:00 Channel inner Goddess by fixing corrupted Mac Harddrive - without help! (Rah - Rah!)

9:30 Lion now running lightning fast. Spend 20 minutes gliding through various apps, swiping left right and up.

9:50 Um, not sure, though I can say unequivocally there were fewer than 100 words written.

10:00 Online errand for husband

10:05 Email rechecked, RSS Feeds read - three bookmarked for future blogs, which is really a horrid form of procrastination...

10:15 Leave for appt. Optimize wasted time by cleaning apps off iPhone. iPhone continues to hang, so plan to update software as soon as I arrive home

12:30 Finish appt, head to grocery store. Virtuously multitask by making phone calls while driving

1:15 Arrive home, write checks, pay bills - writer bills, not household

1:30 Back in chair at last. Laptop open to manuscript. iPhone and iPad syncing, making me unable to turn on Freedom. All shiny objects.

2:15 Start thinking about lost time. No better way to lose more time, truly.

2:30 100 words revised

2:45 Find self making soundtrack playlist for new book

2:50 Feel overwhelming need to be funny, post stupid comment on Facebook

2:55 Open bag of sunflower seeds. For the record, eating sunflower seeds takes one hand away from the keyboard. I'm just sayin'.

3:00 Software updated across all devices. New music downloaded. Time to go.

3:10 Another 100 words.

3:20 Find myself online again, on Amazon, reminding myself that yes, I have written a book before, and yes, I will do it again. Ooh, pretty colors...

3:30 Read interesting blog post about rejection by friend Robert Gregory Browne. Order his new book, THE PARADISE PROPHESY

3:45 Start to get rather pissed at self for wasting an entirely perfect afternoon

4:00 Decide I need more accountability. Decide (tomorrow) Tuesday will be minimum 5K day. Decide to start posting short blogs around 5 pm daily, 5 days a week.

4:20 Another 100 words

4:30 Give up and write blog

4:50 Cat decides lap seems like a good idea. Screech...

5:00 Post Blog

Still haven't had the tea.

Sigh.

Mama said there'd be days like this. I am not prone to procrastination. But sometimes, I get into the cycle of doing everything AROUND what I need to be doing instead of just buckling down and getting the words down.

I know that sometimes, the writer's brain will not be forced into creativity. That there are certain absolutes in life - you will have days that even though your butt is in the chair, it doesn't matter, because your mind has absconded. It's frustrating. It's demoralizing. It's something that happens to the very best of writers.

It's what you do the next day that matters.

So repeat after me.

I will endeavor to do better tomorrow.

Because really, what else can you do?

 

Marked Flesh & Media Whores

From Murderati 8.5.11

I’ve finally started reading THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO.

How I’ve managed to go this long without knowing the actual storyline of the book is remarkable – especially since it was the very first ebook I ever bought. I haven’t read a single review. I don't know any details at all. I know it swept the world away, but today, 100 pages in, realizing it’s a story about  a missing woman… the set up seems utterly prosaic. Though I am invested in the story, I am afraid to be disappointed by going forward and finding that this is simply a regular tale, one not mythic, not life-changing, not genre-transcending.

All of that is in direct conflict with the books’ backstory, and current about to be a blockbuster movie status. The dead author, one who’s been in turns accused of gross misogyny and tender enlightenment, who witnessed a girl’s rape in his teens and by all accounts spent the next 15 years trying to rid himself of that mental horror. The battle for his estate. The films, heralded, revered, and soon to be released in the US. In all honestly, I didn’t feel there was any way the book could possibly live up to the standards of which the media shrieks set forth.

But how could that be? The idea that this book (these books) aren’t supremely special in some way is anathema to me. There must be more. There has to be something unique and brilliant about them, or else they’re just another mystery and we’ve all bought into the hype and that ultimately lessens the craft.

What, at its most base, is this whole spectacle about?

A story that explores the mystery behind a missing girl.

When I realized that, I went - That’s it?

No way. There is so much more to this story – I can already see that. And as I read, all the bits and pieces from the past few years, the details I’ve purposefully obfuscated, are coming into focus.

I didn’t want to read this book. I’m not sure why. I adore a good thriller. Maybe it’s because I’d just tried and failed with Jo Nesbo’s REDBREAST (just wasn’t in the proper intellectual space at the time) and the whole Scandinavian thing scared me. Or maybe it was the warnings about the financial stuff at the beginning. Being told the first 50 pages of a book are boring, but to stick with it isn’t exactly the way to get me on board.

I’ll be honest, I bought it, and I’ve glanced longingly at the cover several times, but it wasn’t until the US movie casting that I decided I was going to give this a chance. The whole Daniel Craig as Blomkvist is a beautiful thing, but that wasn’t it. It was sweet-faced Rooney Mara, who was asked to transform into hard-edged Lisbeth Salander.

 Before

After

It was that transformative process that got me interested in the story, in actually finding out what all the fuss was about. For at one time, Lisbeth Salander was, on the surface at least, a fresh faced ingénue as well.

The choice to mar flesh is one made for a variety of reasons. I have several piercings and a couple of tattoos. Unlike many babies I see nowadays, I wasn’t allowed to pierce my ears until I was ten – and that event stays firmly lodged in my mind. My hands shaking on the long drive to the store. The smelly black marker, perfectly aligning the spot where the needle would go. The cold alcohol wipe. The sharp snap of the gun shooting the hard metal through my tender lobes. The euphoria when they held up the mirror and the two twin glints peeked from either side of my head. I felt like such a woman walking out of the mall with my small gold studs. I couldn’t stop looking in the mirror. At my birthday present. The marking of my flesh for the first time.

There’s something quite… addictive about it. Ask anyone who’s pierced themselves and they’ll tell you. Tattoos too. It’s strange, really. Incomprehensible to some, yet—dare I say?—a turn on for others.

I didn’t feel the lure to mark myself again until I was in my teens and decided to double pierce my left ear. Not both ears. Just the left one. The asymmetry appealed to me. Unbalanced. Off-kilter. It fit my personality.

The method was exactly the same as six years earlier. I felt that same rush.

My father, on the other hand, had kittens. Several litters, in fact.

Eventually he forgave me, in the form of a gorgeous little diamond. Just one. Only for that spot. I wore that stud in my left ear for years, a secret acceptance from him, the first true acknowledgement of my autonomy, the powerful knowledge that I could be myself and yet still be loved, and was heartbroken when it was stolen, along with the small diamond earrings my grandmother gave me for graduation, on my honeymoon.

I haven’t worn a diamond in its place since.

The next marking came in the form of a triple piercing in that same left ear, which I let close soon after, because it just looked strange to me. But in ’95 I went for something different – a helix, through the cartilage atop my left ear. I still have that piercing, a small silver tension hoop. I’ll never take it out.

The belly button was next – it took separate piercings to get it right, too. Then the tragus – that’s the bit of cartilage in your ear closest to your face. I wanted to do my nose too, but Darling Husband drew the line.

So I started on the tattoos.

Trust me, as good little pearl-ed, bow-ed, preppy college republican was replaced by the hippy Goth artist within—replaced, ha. Eradicated is more like it—the folks around me started to wonder.

Why, exactly, was I doing this?

That is a very hard question to answer.

A, I think it looks cool. B, while having needles poked into your flesh hurts, it’s a different kind of pain. C, there are times you want to make sure you remember. Good times, and bad.

The first tattoo, the Chinese symbol for strength, was designed to give me just that, a tangible, physical, always apparent symbolic reminder to stop, breathe, and remember that my strength comes from within. It was a very serious tattoo. The second, the symbol for rebirth, was inked when I felt I’d achieved that exact moment of true inner strength: the stasis of my life was suddenly over and I was hurtling forward into the world I live in now. It is a joyous mark, and I had no idea until later that the combination of the two meant Phoenix Rising. From the ashes. I couldn’t have picked something more apropos if I tried, and as such it means so much more.

The little purple butterfly I just thought was pretty, but as our Alex pointed out to me years after the fact, apparently my subconscious needed the evidence of that shattered chrysalis in a more permanent form. It is a delicate little fancy.

I was five tattoos in when I realized I may have gone to far. I had wanted an Ichthys on the inside of my foot below my left ankle, but was talked out of it. (Tattoo artist: “I can’t guarantee this won’t rub off eventually.” Me: “Well, then I need to do something different – I want something permanent.”) Idiots, the both of us. He wanted to get paid more and I was too naïve to realize it. I ended up with what was supposed to be a rising sun but instead we referred to as the Death Star – and he did the colors backwards so I had to have it redone. Two layers of ink – one orange, topped with red and yellow.

I chose to remove that one, a process which more than made up for my idiocy by putting me through some of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I do hear removal is better now, but at the time, I was a laser stricken guinea pig.

The phantom of that tat lingers on my left ankle. One day I’ll go to a cosmetic tattoo artist and have them ink the areas that hyper pigmented back to a more natural skin tone. But for now, it’s a reminder to me to think things through a little more. To look before I leap, which isn’t the easiest thing for me.

So I’m settled at five and one-half piercings (the tragus I stupidly removed trying to endear myself to some Nashville Junior Leaguers and it closed up, but I’m going to have it redone) and three tattoos – the small butterfly in profile on my left shoulder blade, and the two Chinese symbols on the inside of my right ankle. I adore all three and would never, ever mess with them. The ankle especially.

That doesn’t mean I’m not considering a fourth, one in a slightly less obvious place so I wouldn’t have to show it off if I didn’t want to.

A dragon is always foremost in the considerations.

Which brings me back to Rooney, about to be immortalized as the girl with the dragon tattoo. For the movie, the piercings she did were all real – lip, brow, nose, nipples, four holes in each ear. The tattoos are drawn on, but the piercings – that took some guts. If you don’t have this particular predilection… well, suffice it to say, I’ll be a fan of the movies because of what Rooney did for her art.

Click Photo for full poster (NSFW)

I haven’t finished the book yet. But I already like Lisbeth. I'm rooting for her. And now I’m dying to find out exactly what each of her markings are about.

Have you marked yourself in some way? Do you regret it, or are you glad for it?

A Review of the Levenger Soul Skin for Moleskine

Anyone who knows me knows my love of office products. I truly picked the best of all possible careers, because instead of worrying about shoes and clothes and makeup, I get to read the Levenger catalogue, read the Quo Vadis blog, surf The Daily Planner, collect pens, finger the finest Clairefontaine notebooks, and channel my inner Hemingway in my Moleskine. I read blogs about products and pens, have an insatiable curiosity about what other authors use… I’m hopelessly addicted.

Right now, I’m using a Clairefontaine notebook as my workbook for the novel I’m working on. That’s it right there.  

To my right is my brand new Soul Skin for Moleskine, from Levenger. (A little worse for wear - you'll see why below)

Last but not least, by brand new Lamy fountain pen.

Excellent products, all.

But this post is a shoutout to Levenger. I am a firm believer in writers having the best tools at their disposal. If you’re a gamer, you’re going to want the top of the line, right? That’s how we are with office products. They must be utilitarian and beautiful, and Levenger fits the bill on all counts.

Last week, I ordered a monogrammed Soul Skin. I didn't like the True Writer ballpoint that came with it - it was too short for my hand, so I sent it back and got a Lamy Safari fountain pen. All arrived in record time, as always, looking pristine and perfect in their gift boxes. I didn’t waste any time breaking them in.

I am in love with this cover. So much so that I bought a second one for my husband. The Ravello leather of the Soul Skin is ridiculously soft – I’ve actually caught myself petting it absently while reading. The pen loop lock works great, and it just plain looks sophisticated and elegant. The Lamy fountain pen is perfect for me-lightweight, good grip, nice ink laydown. I’m definitely a fan.

So this morning, my husband and I decided to run out for breakfast before settling in to work. I grabbed my Moleskine, now housed in its week old Soul Skin. I had an idea I wanted to explore, not a huge stretch, considering. But as we walked to the car, a fawn came crashing into the neighbors yard. I’m talking brand new, brightly spotted, no more than a week old. It was about the size of my neighbor’s miniature collie. I set my notebook on the top of the car and grabbed my iPhone to take pictures. Hilarity ensued, and fear, as Bambi scampered around, lost and scared. We finally got her cornered—we were trying to make sure she didn’t set out for the road—and she bounded off into the woods. What a blessing!

Randy and I got back in the car and drove off.

You know where this is going, right? Two miles later I realized I didn’t have my notebook. Oh………. Bad words. Very bad words. Not only was the Moleskine in the brand new case, which housed my brand new pen, but the notes themselves represent two years of ideas. Not something I want to lose.

We at least knew it had to be somewhere on the way out. We retraced our steps and found it a mile in, scattered across the road like rubbish. The Moleskine had come out of the cover, the pen had come out of the loops. All three were about three feet apart. I grabbed them all and got back in the car to examine everything.

A car had driven over the Soul Skin. But it was totally intact, only minimally scratched, on the back corner and the bottom binding, and has a warp in the top left corner in the exact shape of a radial. I think if I put it under something heavy, that might eventually smooth out. The scratches are barely noticeable.

The Moleskine itself was fine, it had fallen open to the first blank page as if desperate for a story.

The pen took the brunt of it, though. The top and bottom are scratched a bit, and the cap along the clip is scratched. It went from brand-new to well-loved in a heartbeat. It still writes like a dream, though the ink blotted on the first go round.

But if you consider, all of these things survived relatively unscathed after being flung from the top of a car at 45 miles an hour? I can’t give a better endorsement.

Thanks, Levenger!

Do I Dare Disturb the Universe?

 

Ragged Claws by exoskeletoncabaret

 

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky,
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats,
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go,
Talking of Michaelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the windowpanes
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle upon the windowpanes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the windowpanes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go,
Talking of Michaelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
(They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!")
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin,
(They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!")
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions that a minute will reverse.

For I have known them already, known them all-
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons,
I know the voices dying with a dying fall,
Beneath the music from a farther room.
     So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all-
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling ton he wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
    And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all,
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare,
(But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie around a table, or wrap about a shawl.
     And how should I then presume?
    And how should I begin?

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?

    I should have been a pair of ragged claws
   Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep... tired... or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet - and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worthwhile,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball,
To roll it towards some overwhelming question,
To say, "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all," --
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
    Should say, "That is not what I meant, at all."
   "That is not it, at all."

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worthwhile,
After the sunsets and dooryards and sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor--
And this, and so much more?--
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worthwhile
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning towards the window, should say:
    "That is not it, at all,
   That is not what I meant, at all."

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous,
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old... I grow old...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves,
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea,
By sea-girls wreathed in seaweed, red and brown,
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock