Today was supposed to be one of those huge word count days. Instead, it is nearly 3pm, and I’ve written a single word. One. 

As punishment, I present to you my day thus far, highlighting all the things I did instead of writing, in real time:

• Sleep through my alarm
• Love on the cats
• Talk business with a friend
• Skip my morning walk
• Eat a lingering breakfast whilst researching a duplicate wine shipment (the horror)
• Read the news
• Read the news again
• Complain on Twitter
• Receive brilliant news from my editor
• Call husband and parents to share said news
• Text assistant to share said news
• Check email
• Write agent
• Research what said news actually means
• Complain to writer friends I am getting nothing done 
• Check email
• Talk to husband again
• Throw mice for the cats
• Open manuscript. Type one word.
• Check email
• Decide to get lunch
• As I leave, unmarked pizza delivery arrives
• Decide pizza delivery man is really an assassin. Check neighbor’s Facebook to make sure they are alive, because NO ONE IS HOME TO GET THE PIZZA AND THE DELIVERY GUY IS STANDING ON THEIR PORCH WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?
• Wait for pizza delivery guy to leave because ASSASSINS
• Go to Subway for lunch
• Read a book while eating stinky salad (stinky because tuna and onions, not stinky bad)
• Order groceries
• Heat up tea, get fresh water, take laptop to the porch
• Find something sweet (spiced pecans)
• Read the one word written
• Listen to small child next door calling “Is anybody here?” (a game, I assume)
• Read the news
• Pet the cat
• Check email
• Facebook
• Update my Goodreads queue
• See I’ve only read 60 books this year, but am relieved to see I’m on track for the 70 I committed to
• Look at stats on new book just released. Realize this is a very bad idea
• Check email
• See Parnassus Books Classic Bookclub is reading AND THEN THERE WERE NONE
• Admire cover copy
• Realize I am the last person on earth who hasn’t read Agatha Christie (again, the horror)
• Order my first Agatha Christie novel 
• Check email—receive assurance from BFF I am not a hack
• Decide to write a blog. Because if you can’t write, write about not writing, right?
• Take a deep breath, turn on Freedom, and write*…
• (Whilst writing, check email three times, prep and start dinner, and take three phone calls.) 

5pm update

*and write… 1080 words. Hallelujah and hurrah! That’s 1080 fiction and 425 non-fiction. I’ve earned my walk!

Hey, it’s one of those days.